A lifestyle blog from a forty-something mum

Tuesday, 24 May 2016

A Menopausal Rant

MenopausalI should warn you that this blog is a rant about all things menopausal. Feel free to not read any further if you wish.

Still here?! Don't say I didn't warn you...

I suspect that the menopause has been creeping up on me for some time. A bit like an unwanted parasite that's impossible to fumigate, worm, or delouse. My periods stopped in January and I'm OK with it - but I miss the months being punctuated by two days of PMS and severe chocolate biscuit cravings. Now I crave sugary snacks all of the time and the PMS never goes away.

I am also...



Ache all over.



Turning into my mother.

I am forty bloody eight.

And no, I wouldn't want to share a house with me either.

I cried the other night because the cat was too adorable. I never cry. OK, it's something that happens maybe, once a year (if that). I suspect that the family pet feels my pain. She came over for a cuddle and fell asleep in my arms. The cat was too gorgeous for words. I may have cried.

Every day is a bit like wading through treacle while my eyes are propped open by matchsticks. Everything gets on my nerves. Inconsiderate drivers. Next door's dog. Indecisive people wandering aimlessly around the supermarket and getting under my feet as I attempt to shop in a hurry and go home again before getting cross and/ or having a flush. People not looking where they are going while texting. Birds twittering too early in the morning. I was even cross when that boat wasn't named Boaty McBoatface. I loved that name. It was one of the few things I had genuinely found hilarious in ages.

Yes, I'd probably laugh at me too.

He's a patient soul my husband, which is just as well as I am irritated by the way he eats ice cream, can't answer a simple question and still has that lone nasal hair dangling from his left nostril that I told him about weeks ago. I know I'm being unreasonable, which is probably why he's developed an interest in gardening (I tend to skulk in the house). He has taken his usual stance and mostly humours me. My new name is Little Miss Stroppy. Still, on the positive side, the garden is coming along rather nicely.

I want to be left to my own devices in a room filled with books and a nice box of chocolates that are calorie-free with the heating on full blast, or an air conditioner - depending on whether I'm mid-flush or shivering in flannel pyjamas, bedsocks and a blanket. I want to be able to do stuff only when I actually want to do it. Yes, I know that's not realistic... I am unreasonable, not deluded.

In real life I've been avoiding people who get on my nerves. I am sorry if you're one of them. It's not you, it's me. Normal service will resume just as soon as I'm post menopausal, or have caved and started taking HRT. I was so going to get on with it. A bit like breastfeeding twin babies, not opting for pain relief during labour and being an earth mother. Ha ha, bloody ha... none of these things happened either.

Apparently symptoms can last anywhere from two to five years. I worry that I might have committed murder by then. I have been trying to self-medicate with a concoction of sports performance vitamins, extra strength cod liver oil capsules and Quiet Life tablets. This is not going well.

I have to remind myself to behave when I'm in company. I have developed a kind of internal dialogue that keeps me in check while I'm out, but when I arrive home there is no release and my hormones (or lack of them) run amok, turning me into a gremlin.

I go to bed and have no trouble going to sleep, but wake up when my husband as much as breathes and immediately want to swat him with a rolled up magazine. It will be hours before I go back to sleep and if he as much as turns over I am immediately huffy.

You know that thing when people ask how you are? What would happen if a person said, 'Actually, I feel rubbish, but thank you for asking. Right now I am probably not the best company - but call me in two to five years and I'll see how I'm fixed.'

If you're still here, then I can only apologise but I did warn you. Thank you for reading.

Rant over. Books online appointment with GP and hopes that 'normal' Izzie will return soon.If anyone has any useful menopausal tips apart from, 'move to Outer Mongolia until you are symptom-free,' I would really appreciate them.

Copyright ©2016 Izzie Anderton


  1. Sounds tough, but are you sure it's the menopause? Ask your doctor about getting your thyroid checked too, it's just a blood test. Of course I don't know your symptoms but before my overactive thyroid was diagnosed I thought it was the menopause too. The doctor told me I was way too young for that. Take care xx

  2. Hi Izzie,

    I won't even pretend I can offer any advice or tips. I doubt anything I could say would be helpful. What I can do is to let you know that if you need a chat/rant/someone to lend you an ear, you are most welcome to tweet/dm me any time. I'm sorry you are going through such a horrific time and I'm thinking of you and hoping the symptoms will ease soon. Sending you *Hugs* and please, be gentle with yourself. Make allowances for what you are going through and don't berate yourself for feeling fed up/annoyed/irritated/etc.

    Take care and be well,


  3. OH crap. That's what it is. I too am irritated by absolutely everything. I thought it was just the world becoming a worse place and my family caring less and less about me.
    By the way, I think my husband is living a double life and masquerading as yours as well. I've nagged him about that nose hair every day for the last week. And actually, how does anyone slurp ice-cream?!

  4. They didn't call the boat Boaty McBoatface? Really? Now I need to go off and have a rant!

  5. Oh Izzie. That really made me laugh. Ellen Arnison has also written about this kind of thing lately. You're not officially menopausal until you're period free for a year. #JustSaying..... Watch out world ... xxx

  6. This did make me smile, Izzie! I often wonder when I'm going to turn into a hormonal wreck, being the grand old age of 46 I know it's not too long before the inevitable will start (maybe it has already?).

    You have got me thinking though that my husband is going through the male menopause as the description you've given is very similar, if not spot on for my husbands behaviour too!

    I do feel for you, I have always been easily disturbed when asleep and have often ended up getting up as I can't get back to sleep... Whilst husband is sleeping like a dog!

    Fingers crossed you've only got three years to go!


  7. I feel your pain lovely. I'm post-menopausal lol. xx


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