A lifestyle blog from a forty-something mum

Monday, 29 February 2016

The Truth About Running a Home

Chaos, Real life, HomeMystified. Bewildered. Clueless.

Three words that spring to mind when I think about what it takes to run my home.

There's probably just one day of the week where the house looks normal. This will be the day I've cleaned from top to bottom and returned a hundred or more scattered items back to their original hiding places.

After that, I have no idea how the house manages to unravel itself during the course of a week. Do I not spend a ridiculous amount of time cleaning, tidying and attempting to pick off random tasks from the Snowball In Hell list? Yes, this is an actual list on my weekly planner...

Home, Real life, Chaos

What happens when I lock the door and head off to work? Do the following creatures move in and cause chaos?

The Bit Sprinkler
A creature that lurks in the depths. With scant regard for how recently I've hoovered, the carpet is covered in bits... mostly comprised of cat fluff, hair, dust and grit. For some bizarre reason, these mostly congregate on the stairs.

Dust Fairy
Closely related to the Bit Sprinkler, is the Dust Fairy. The house can go from freshly polished to freshly sprinkled in a layer of dust motes within a matter of hours. The thickness of motes increases with the days, until I cave and repeat the task all over again.

Paperwork Gremlin
There's this silly bit of paper covered with notes and scribblings that's essential to getting through the following day without losing the plot and having people realise what an idiot you are. The paper was last spotted on the noticeboard in the kitchen, where you'd mistakenly thought it might be safe and now, who knows? Did the Paperwork Gremlin file it under, 'Not to be found until no longer required?' Is the Gremlin also responsible for our shredder that needs a nap after shredding only ten pieces of paper? I guess it's trying to remind me that breaks are important and need to be respected.

Email Thief
There's always one, isn't there? An email of vital importance that you meant to respond sometime last week, but somehow got buried beneath several pages of emails you needed to delete. And now, the important email has disappeared altogether. Where do emails go when you've deleted them from virtual bin on your laptop? Does the cat update her Twitter account during the night and read all of your emails before deleting the ones that she considers mundane I wonder?

In addition to all of the above...

The cat lays in wait until I've wiped the sofa with fragrant almondy-scented wipes before finding a muddy puddle to traipse through outside, bounding back in through the cat flap and walking the entire length of both sofas.

It's Sod's Law that governs the weekly visit to the supermarket. After trying to come up with something inspired for dinner and attempting to recall all the items that never made it onto the list, I'll end up at the till and realise that I've been carrying the list upside down for the duration. You can guarantee that I'll arrive home again without that important item at the top of the list. Wine and chocolate however, are never forgotten, these are the only things keeping me sane.

After arriving home from the supermarket there will immediately be a conversation that goes something like this... 'Did you remember to buy.... (insert whatever)?

'No, did you ask me to?'

'Yes.'

'No you didn't. I'd have remembered.'

Possibly.

Grrr.

The myth of a perfect room is actually not a myth. There's reward for putting in the time and effort required to make a room look fabulous enough for a photo shoot. Unfortunately, this will be at the expense of all other rooms in the house in which belongings from the picture-perfect room have taken up residence and created mess.

One final thought...
If a blogger chose to ignore all of the tasks that needed doing, would a house eventually reach a steady state of equilibrium where it neither deteriorated or improved?

Now if you'll excuse me I'm just nipping off to shred another ten pieces of paper before the shredder takes another nap. Maybe, I'll have a snooze too, and give up trying to unravel the chaos at home until tomorrow.



Copyright ©2016 Izzie Anderton




18 comments :

  1. We have a dust pixie too - soooo irritating! But I'm the worst with all the notes and post-its everywhere. They are my to-do lists....

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is amazing! I completely agree that housework is a completely thankless task, I absolutely hate anything vaguely domestic. Great post.

    ReplyDelete
  3. hahaha! I'm sure all of those creatures live in my house too. Especially the Paperwork Gremlin. I spent weeks looking for something. As soon as I admitted defeat and got a new copy of the paperwork the original turned up!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I hate cleaning, but also hate a messy house. It makes my mind go all rittttttttttttttttlllllllllllllls (messed up)!

    ReplyDelete
  5. We definitely have these visitors too! I swear the dust in our house has trebled since Liv was born!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Cleaning takes forever and lasts seconds (if your lucky!) x

    ReplyDelete
  7. I am forever losing emails too - don't know where they get to. It's like odd socks - they must all be collected together somewhere.

    ReplyDelete
  8. It never bloody ends does it - I would be less offended by housework if it had the decency to stay done for more than 5 minutes!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think I have all of those plus a husband that puts things away, but doesn't tell me where he has put them

    ReplyDelete
  10. Nodding my head in agreement to everything! My cat does that too....
    Great post x

    ReplyDelete
  11. I reckon it's your mischievous cat! But we don't have one yet still get the same issues ....

    ReplyDelete
  12. Ohh my goodness, yes. I relate, thank goodness this morning a contact chased me for an invoice as I had totally lost that I had done a piece of work for her, no idea where that email went! Mich x

    ReplyDelete
  13. Haha great post! Especially the bit about the supermarket! Sigh. I currently have one beautiful looking room and the rest of the house? Well, I don't like to talk about it ;)

    ReplyDelete
  14. I hate cleaning...and more than that I hate how quickly it gets messed up afterwards!! It's a never ending cycle!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm just so tired reading this lol!! It is just never ending :(

    ReplyDelete
  16. I have so much to do right now it's soul destroying but hey ho, little by little I shall march onwards!

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'm impressed that you have 'clean oven' on list! It really is amazing the way a house unravels so quickly. In our house, it's mainly mud! My younger son plays rugby three times a week, plus football once a week, and my eldest does a lot of camps and hikes. They bring A LOT of mud into the house!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hi Izzie, I love reading posts like this as it makes me realize we are just like everyone else. Emails really do get stolen and as for dust? I gave up a long time ago (just don't touch the sides or move anything and I swear nobody notices).

    I do make my shopping list on my phone, I've lost count of how many times have I stood in the Supermarket looking like a wally, trying to recall something I know I was meant to get, but thought I would never forget.

    xx

    ReplyDelete

Powered by Blogger.

© The World According to Izzie , AllRightsReserved.

Designed by ScreenWritersArena