The World According to Izzie

A lifestyle blog from a forty-something mum

Thursday, 16 March 2017

When I Am Old...


Vintage, Volkswagen BeetleWhen I am old I shall drink Pimms from the teapot decanted into a fine
bone china cup.

I shall live by the sea and trade five a day for several measures of gin.

And swim every morning in the cold grey blue sea and given up hope that my hair will be anything but a tangled mess of frizz for the rest of my days.


I shall decorate the house with rabbit wallpaper and fill it with books and empty bottles of wine.

And share my life with a pug called Limoncello Belle Pugly instead of children who have grown and scattered to far flung shores.

Cute pug lying down

I shall shop daily for tidbits and eat brunch with the dog before taking a catnap.

And take long haul flights many times each year to check that the children are thriving and enjoying their lives.

I shall invite old friends to stay and reminisce about our former lives.

And recall all of the previous roles I have had... wife, mother, crazy cat lady, mentor, scientist, bottle washer. Jack of all trades, master of none at all.

I shall pootle about in a vintage car and get intentionally lost down winding country lanes to see where they go.

And invite lonely people to stay for Christmas and New Year to feast on recipes only I know - washed down with lots of wine.

I shall choose my next holiday destination by sticking a pin in a globe with my eyes tightly shut.

And create cake recipes with gin and whisky and rum and wine.

I shall not write lists any more. Making each day its own unfurling adventure instead.

Looking back on my life, I will smile and know that wine was the only thing keeping me sane.

I have travelled, volunteered and made amends for past grievances and realised that my hormones were mostly to blame.



Copyright ©2017 Izzie Anderton




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Friday, 4 November 2016

A Lady of Leisure

Keep calm and chillFollowing a minor surgical procedure on my leg last week, I pondered what life as a 'temporary' lady of leisure might be like.

In my imagination, I envisaged poring over a magazine, curling up on the sofa with the cat to watch films and maybe taking an afternoon nap while the rest of the family pandered to my every whim.

Lady of leisure, relaxing on the sofa

Naturally, that wasn't how things turned out.

An hour after returning from hospital, I was already bored from sitting on the sofa and took myself for a gentle stroll around the neighbourhood while still under the influence of a sedative. Several of the neighbours probably suspected I'd taken to daytime drinking as I slurred my words and stumbled a couple of times, my leg still numb from the local anaesthetic.

The following day I was home alone. Sadly, the local anaesthetic and sedative had worn off. I was sore, but bored. I took myself on another walk, wrote Christmas cards and removed the cat from her favoured position on top the mound of paperwork I'd decided to sift through while watching a movie so bad, I'd normally have switched off after five minutes. I also tackled the laundry and cooked dinner to relieve the monotony.

On Friday, we had a new boiler installed. I made endless cups of tea for workmen, limped all over the house and barely sat down all day. By the evening I was ratty, desperate to leave the house and the bruising on my leg was fifty shades of purple and black.

At the weekend, I was in desperate to resume 'normal life' despite the umpteen walks, visits from friends, being preoccupied with the boiler fitting and countless inane household tasks that didn't require standing or sitting with my knee bent for prolonged periods. I contemplated escaping in the car. Only it hadn't been spotted since the op as the girls knew I couldn't drive and had 'borrowed' it (again).

By Monday, I'd decided that I needed help with the chores piling up at home. Mr A helpfully offered to clean the kitchen. Good, I thought and promptly disappeared to let him get on with it.

Two hours later he was still engrossed.

Curious to know why cleaning the kitchen was taking so long, I popped my head around the door.

'Nearly finished?' I asked. Before spying what he was up to.

'What the heck are you doing?' I snarled, without allowing him time to answer the previous question.

'Just rearranging some stuff in the cupboards,' he replied.

He was. All the crockery was now helpfully placed in the glass cupboard. He had removed several shelves from another cupboard and placed all the glassware where the crockery once lived. 

'Grrr,' I said. 'Put it back.'

'Why? It looks better like this,' he added  

'No it doesn't. If you don't put it back, I'll just get the stepladder out tomorrow and do it myself.'

'But you're not allowed to do anything like that after your op,' he added.

'Exactly,' I said.

Mr A spent the next hour returning the kitchen to its original state in silence.

I poured a large G&T before turning to leave. Reminding myself that it was for medicinal purposes and my family had driven me to it.

The following day I cleaned the entire house and concluded that being a lady of leisure wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

Copyright ©2016 Izzie Anderton






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Friday, 28 October 2016

Lost in Translation



Lost in translation, English, AmericanSophia spent the summer working as a Camp Counsellor for Camp America in Oregon. As she had returned for a second season, her role had expanded and she found herself busier than ever.

Having studied Illustration at university she was frequently asked to help out with art-based activities at camp. Something she was only too happy to do.

She had designed a mini project for the campers to work on which involved creating their own imaginary animals.

The campers varied in their artistic abilities and when a few weren't happy with their works of art, Sophia helpfully added,

'That's OK. You can use a rubber if you want to make any changes.'

Eraser, rubber


The campers continued to work on their almost finished pieces apparently oblivious to my daughter's comment.

Sophia however, wondered why she was getting some strange looks from the rest of the staff.

At the end of the session, the campers left to turn in for the night and one of the camp leaders helped to tidy away while chatting to Sophia.

'By the way, you do know what a rubber is don't you?'

'Yes,' said Sophia, helpfully pointing to the small pile at the centre of the table.

'Actually, we call those erasers over in the States,' said the camp leader.

'Rubbers, are something entirely different...'

Condom, rubber

 
Copyright ©2016 Izzie Anderton


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Friday, 30 September 2016

Lately...


Always be good to yourselfHello, my name is Izzie and it's been a couple of months since my last blog post.

I have no idea why writing has become more of a chore than a pleasure lately. Maybe it's my hormones, the weather, or generally feeling a bit 'meh' about writing.

Maybe I needed to take a break and write nothing at all.

Which is exactly what I've been doing all summer.

My daughters are all grown up and taking first steps into the world of adulthood and work. I suspect that they won't live anywhere near the place they called home. Their mum is fine with this. It's proof that they are heading off on their own adventures and that is exactly how it should be. 

What next for the blog and its author though?

Who knows?

Maybe it's time to shake things up a little and see where life takes me?

Watch this space.

Copyright ©2016 Izzie Anderton
 






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